i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
