I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
