Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
