Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't put those talents on a resume
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
