sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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