Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I intend to get homeless drunk
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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