Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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