My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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