I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
