i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
