Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I will pee on everything he values.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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