Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
