Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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