i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
