I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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