Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
