Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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