yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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