my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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