Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
