like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
