No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
