I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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