Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Randomize
