you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
