also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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