Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
