turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
