well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
how does that bad decision feel?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
