You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
