I will die if light touches me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
