Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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