he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize