how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
