I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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