nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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