god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
