On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
