Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
