After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she peed on how many people?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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