Your face is a jimmy john
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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