I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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