the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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