After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
