as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
