I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
