I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
