shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
