I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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