my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
