38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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