i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
