i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize