Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
