Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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