oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
