I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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