i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
