thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
