she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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