What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
