i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
