This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
